She's like the iPhone...

it only cost me $0.99 to buy her the perfect ring

During trivia night, I cheated on her.

she'll do everything except Windows

I frequently go on Safari with her

her face lit up as soon as she got the message

I admit, I sometimes play games with her.

I took a contract out on her.

I can't afford to lose her

lost her contacts and was totally useless

I caught my date checking her out at dinner

I want her, but her plans don't include me

we went to a wedding but there was no reception

gets in my purse, calls my friends, opens my mail

has a case against her for battery charges

got famous and needed a bigger pad

oddly, hits more bars when there's a cover

I'm not crazy about her tone

I set her up with a guy from tech support

We talk but mostly she plays games with me

she freezes up during important conversations

I try to get her to 3 bars every day

get one drink in her and her memory is fried

a menace behind the wheel

When I take her on vacation, she's always roaming

gets turned off by flight attendants

I hooked up with her and now she rules my life

allows me to watch porn when we're in bed together

got replaced by a slimmer, younger model

played music until she found another calling.

touched when I call

cracked up badly when I dropped her

now that she's finally available I don't want her

I've got her in the palm of my hand

pretty, but a little phoney

i'd rather do it with an android

Gates won't hold her.

I was happy when she found another provider

Died on our roadtrip. I was seriously lost.

I have a plan for her

makes me say things I don’t mean

I can't face time without her

thought she was perfect, found out she had hangups

guys look for any excuse to take her out

her face is always dirty

a thick skin kept her out of harm's way

Tired of her? There's a nap for that.

i regret not using protection

requires constant hand holding

she has a lot of photos I hope no one ever sees

Often she has Words With Friends.