She's like childbirth...

brings out the little kid in me

I only put up with her for the kids

Requires a water break

it took a while, but she finally got a life

makes you want to say yes to drugs

rarely on time, but always delivers

She helped me talk a cop out of a speeding ticket

I can't believe she made my mom cry on my birthday

Left me in stiches

Having a midwife crisis

I hear she is easier after she's already had a few

leaves you feeling empty inside

put me in the hospital a couple of times

an out of body experience

Really pushy

She really ripped me a new one

my reason for living

has a great conception, but too labor intensive

nobody wants to see her in public

She's just fulfilling her contractual obligations

never sticks to the plan

worth the weight.

Loud, pushy and just a big baby in the end

a crowning achievement

we all panicked when she arrived early

really into Spinal Tap

goes on and on and on until you want to scream!

Men just find her impossible

I owe my life to her

She kept telling me to cut it out

She pushed and pushed until I finally cut the cord

Made me cry. My wife didn't like her much either.

no matter how beautiful, she's still a pain

you're over her as soon as you see a new babe

something else my mother will never forgive me for

makes grown men weep

She has strong ties to Labor

She'll stretch you to the limit

men try to act useful around her

demanded an awful lot of drugs on Labor Day

difficult to plan your day around

encourages teenage girls to practice safe sex

helped my wife lose ten pounds.

laid back but not easy going

Thank God the kids don't remember her

Without her, life can't go on

her videos traumatized me in high school

praying for deliverance

people told me horror stories, but she's amazing

She loosened my mother up.

It takes about 9 months for her to really open up

was torn when she realized her son had a big head

loud and pushy

After being stabbed in the back you're numb to her