Wordplay games to foster creativity and community.
OneUpMe.com is a community of creative thinkers who come together every day to play wordplay games. Every weekday, new topics are posted in a variety of games and players attempt to "one-up" each other in the cleverness of their responses. To get to know the site a bit more, check out the Archive to see some of the past games. Then check out the Forum to see the latest conversations.
Additional instructions needed on your Ikea furniture...
e.g. Give package to your smarter and more competent child
- No more votes.Kathy R
Step 353. Dispose of all left over pieces
- No more votes.Paul R
Step 1: Lower your expectations
- No more votes.Anne M
Bang Head HERE
- No more votes.Joe C
TIP: Feel free to use profanity during assembly
- No more votes.Pamela H
Give up and call your dad.
- No more votes.Hilary G
Grow up and go to a real furniture store
- No more votes.Ronan D
If you run out of glue then screw it
- No more votes.JoAnna S
In this case, a screwdriver is not an alcoholic beverage
- No more votes.Jeremy H
Please Note: furniture is intended for temporary use only. Please dispose of it in three years or when you get a better job.
- No more votes.Michael O
We recommend 1 2  4 5 6 beers for this project.
- No more votes.Wayne T
Don't worry, it's supposed to look like that.
- No more votes.Tony O
Periodically, take a second to compose yourself and continue.
- No more votes.William B
Alert local authorities that you will be assembling this item. Your screaming, swearing, and throwing could be mistaken for domestic violence.
- No more votes.Chris W
For an extra 20$ we'll give you the real instructions
- No more votes.Bang B
For every extra part left over, please subtract 100 pounds from maximum bearable load.
- No more votes.Anne A
Allot extra time for bleeding and crying.
- No more votes.Adam C
Read following steps first, before reading preceding steps
- No more votes.Katie P
Please find the instructions for the instructions in other box
- No more votes.George H
Having trouble keeping it together? Please refer to our Duct tape. For Americans section.
- No more votes.Kim P
Warning: This furniture will not impress your girlfriend
- No more votes.Sara C
Fix a drink before you start
- No more votes.Donna G
If at first you don't succeed, for $50 we'll put it together for you.
- No more votes.John F
Remove your fist from the wall
- No more votes.Dina D
Assembling this Armoire counts for college credit as follows:
Under 1 hr = A
1-2 hrs = B
2-4 hrs = C
4+ hrs = go to bartending school
- No more votes.Gp L
CAUTION: To avoid scrutiny, Never tell anyone that you're building something from ikea until you have successfully completed assembly.
- No more votes.Grant S
If you plan to move this furniture follow instructions in reverse and re-pack
- No more votes.Brian B
Pause. Relax. Have a drink. Resume trying.
- No more votes.Jack P
Special Note for American Purchasers: You are too fat to sit on this product.
- No more votes.Greg O
Note Furniture that you glue together yourself will generally fall apart within one to two years of assembly
- No more votes.Marillyn H
Eat Swedish meatballs before beginning assembly
- No more votes.Kimberly R
Please hire a translator prior to assembling
- No more votes.Chris M
You are the only tool required
- No more votes.Jake H
If you enjoyed these instructions, you might also enjoy The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
- No more votes.Debra Y
Furniture pieces make excellent kindling in event your heat breaks
- No more votes.Laurie F
throw out the furniture and keep the box
- No more votes.Alden S
Lion and Witch not included.
- No more votes.David D
Vi vagar du satta den har saken tillsammans (We dare you to put this thing together)
- No more votes.Bonnie S
Don't try this with your spouse unless you want an argument
- No more votes.Ann S
Drink second glass of wine
- No more votes.Julie S
when in doubt, use a sledge hammer
- No more votes.Elena N
Put these instructions aside and use common sense.
- No more votes.Deborah A
Put it together fast because it won't last long
- No more votes.June K
It's a big world. Someone has to confuse the hell out of it.
- No more votes.Dave M
Instructions on how to hire a handy man from Craig's List.
- No more votes.Mary W
You must have a screw loose if you are attempting assembly.
- No more votes.Blanca W
Do not use for intended purpose as particle board tends to fray, chip, and dent easily. Instead, repurpose as an attractive hamster habitat.
- No more votes.Phil G
Repeat steps 1 thru 4 as in assembly of Dagstorp, Riktig, Ogla and Grundtal
- No more votes.Jack S
These instructions will self-destruct in five seconds. Good luck, Jim
- No more votes.Jim B
Each screw only fits one hole, numbnuts.
- No more votes.Charlene A
English should be your SECOND language.
- No more votes.Christopher H
Please take competency test before assembling
- No more votes.Jeff J
If at first you don't succeed, do it the way the directions told you in the first place
- No more votes.Crystal D
When in doubt, don't blame the Swedes. You just don't know what you're doing.
- No more votes.Holly Z
Please note all furniture has a maximum weight limit not to exceed two small children or one really skinny girl.
- No more votes.P.F. B
Call a carpenter
- No more votes.Peggy H
be sure you have 911 on speed dial, just sayin
- No more votes.Conor D
Read the instructions fully BEFORE beginning assembly
- No more votes.Michael M
Hire a professional
- No more votes.John C
All our furniture is named in the factory - please respect their identities, and do not adopt new names like, "nice sofa," etc.
- No more votes.Martin v
Do not screw yourself on the table
- No more votes.Ed H
NOTE: If you desire a tasteful and beautifully decorated room, we suggest donating this and all Ikea furniture to the Salvation Army.
- No more votes.Julie A
If you manage to actual put this together, take a picture. It will last much, much longer.
- No more votes.Carol F
Next time, buy pre-assembled furniture
- No more votes.Laurie B
Call for your Swedish masseuse when you have successfully completed your project
- No more votes.Vickie R
If drinking from this glass is not satisfying, try the skulls of your enemies. Skaal!
- No more votes.Caroline F
Instructions easier to understand when you are inebriated and a lot more fun !
- No more votes.Karl H
Working an Allen wrench is just like plumbing: righty tighty, lefty loosey
- No more votes.Melissa G
After complete assembling base, partake shot of Svedka Vodka.
- No more votes.Melinda S
For instructions you can understand, Google translate to "Dumb American English."
- No more votes.Steve J
If you think we're speaking in a foreign language, we are.
- No more votes.Heidy S
Do mot attempt to construct while driving.
- No more votes.Joseph D
Cook some Swedish Meatballs and serve with crackers and Lingonberry Sauce!
- No more votes.Elizabeth E
What ever you do, do not give your tools to a monkey!
- No more votes.Deena N
Other side in English
- No more votes.Fabrizio V
Any complains just go buy something to another store. Ikea items are pretty, not durable.
- No more votes.Wuzzie F
for instructions in English go to www.
- No more votes.Alan F
If at first you don't succeed give up and try Sam Levitt
- No more votes.Brent S
Stop collaborate and listen. Ice is back with a brand new kitcken
- No more votes.Zoltán K
If it is still not 100 clear: manual work will be essential!