Additional instructions needed on your Ikea furniture...

Step 353. Dispose of all left over pieces

Step 1: Lower your expectations

Bang Head HERE

TIP: Feel free to use profanity during assembly

Give up and call your dad.

Grow up and go to a real furniture store

If you run out of glue then screw it

In this case, a screwdriver is not an alcoholic beverage

Please Note: furniture is intended for temporary use only. Please dispose of it in three years or when you get a better job.

We recommend 1 2 [3] 4 5 6 beers for this project.

Don't worry, it's supposed to look like that.

Periodically, take a second to compose yourself and continue.

Alert local authorities that you will be assembling this item. Your screaming, swearing, and throwing could be mistaken for domestic violence.

For an extra 20$ we'll give you the real instructions

For every extra part left over, please subtract 100 pounds from maximum bearable load.

Allot extra time for bleeding and crying.

Read following steps first, before reading preceding steps

Please find the instructions for the instructions in other box

Having trouble keeping it together? Please refer to our Duct tape. For Americans section.

Warning: This furniture will not impress your girlfriend

Fix a drink before you start

If at first you don't succeed, for $50 we'll put it together for you.

Remove your fist from the wall

Assembling this Armoire counts for college credit as follows:

Under 1 hr = A
1-2 hrs = B
2-4 hrs = C
4+ hrs = go to bartending school

CAUTION: To avoid scrutiny, Never tell anyone that you're building something from ikea until you have successfully completed assembly.

If you plan to move this furniture follow instructions in reverse and re-pack

Pause. Relax. Have a drink. Resume trying.

Special Note for American Purchasers: You are too fat to sit on this product.

Note Furniture that you glue together yourself will generally fall apart within one to two years of assembly

Eat Swedish meatballs before beginning assembly

Please hire a translator prior to assembling

You are the only tool required

If you enjoyed these instructions, you might also enjoy The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

Furniture pieces make excellent kindling in event your heat breaks

throw out the furniture and keep the box

Lion and Witch not included.

Vi vagar du satta den har saken tillsammans (We dare you to put this thing together)

Don't try this with your spouse unless you want an argument

Drink second glass of wine

when in doubt, use a sledge hammer

Put these instructions aside and use common sense.

Put it together fast because it won't last long

It's a big world. Someone has to confuse the hell out of it.

Instructions on how to hire a handy man from Craig's List.

You must have a screw loose if you are attempting assembly.

Do not use for intended purpose as particle board tends to fray, chip, and dent easily. Instead, repurpose as an attractive hamster habitat.

Repeat steps 1 thru 4 as in assembly of Dagstorp, Riktig, Ogla and Grundtal

These instructions will self-destruct in five seconds. Good luck, Jim

Each screw only fits one hole, numbnuts.

English should be your SECOND language.

Please take competency test before assembling

If at first you don't succeed, do it the way the directions told you in the first place

When in doubt, don't blame the Swedes. You just don't know what you're doing.

Please note all furniture has a maximum weight limit not to exceed two small children or one really skinny girl.

Call a carpenter

be sure you have 911 on speed dial, just sayin

Read the instructions fully BEFORE beginning assembly

Hire a professional

All our furniture is named in the factory - please respect their identities, and do not adopt new names like, "nice sofa," etc.

Do not screw yourself on the table

NOTE: If you desire a tasteful and beautifully decorated room, we suggest donating this and all Ikea furniture to the Salvation Army.

If you manage to actual put this together, take a picture. It will last much, much longer.

Next time, buy pre-assembled furniture

Call for your Swedish masseuse when you have successfully completed your project

If drinking from this glass is not satisfying, try the skulls of your enemies. Skaal!

Instructions easier to understand when you are inebriated and a lot more fun !

Working an Allen wrench is just like plumbing: righty tighty, lefty loosey

After complete assembling base, partake shot of Svedka Vodka.

For instructions you can understand, Google translate to "Dumb American English."

If you think we're speaking in a foreign language, we are.

Do mot attempt to construct while driving.

Cook some Swedish Meatballs and serve with crackers and Lingonberry Sauce!

What ever you do, do not give your tools to a monkey!

Other side in English

Any complains just go buy something to another store. Ikea items are pretty, not durable.

for instructions in English go to www.

If at first you don't succeed give up and try Sam Levitt

Stop collaborate and listen. Ice is back with a brand new kitcken

If it is still not 100 clear: manual work will be essential!